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About Me

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My name is Joannes J.A. Wyckmans, aka Adoteq, and I am from the Netherlands. I make electronic dance music from time to time, but not as a profession, just for fun.

I was born in Rotterdam on the Second of December in 1994. I started composing electronic dance music in 2012.

I have started recording a podcast driven by text to speech in 2024, named 'Joannes Wyckmans Podcast', making complex topics accessible.

I am on the 'Autism Spectrum', and have learned things about mental health over the years. Without getting in too much detail, I think every human being has some traits of Autism, and I don't think that should stop anyone from being who they are.

Latest Releases

Podcast Episodes


Complex Trauma and the use of anti-psychotics

Pornography, dopamine, the use of anti-psychotics and the societal dilemma

An Angels Report and four dimensional thinking (Insert, Preface and Introduction)

About My Autism

Autism Picture

Living with autism is an experience uniquely tailored to each individual. For some, like myself,

it has evolved into a philosophy—an almost religious devotion to understanding, navigating,

and thriving in a world that often feels overwhelmingly complex.

This text explores the struggles of living with autism, the mental load it imposes, and the intricate adaptations

required to align with societal norms. It delves into how these adaptations can become a religious-like practice,

a sacred path to making sense of life amidst the chaos of an overly complicated world.

The Struggles of Autism

Autism, a spectrum of neurodevelopmental conditions, presents various challenges.

Social interactions, communication, and sensory processing are often areas where autistic individuals face

significant difficulties. For many, these challenges create a mental load that can be debilitating.

The effort required to understand social cues, interpret body language, and engage in small talk is immense.

This constant mental gymnastics is something neurotypical individuals might take for granted,

but for those on the spectrum, it is an exhausting daily battle.

The mental load doesn't stop at social interactions. Sensory sensitivities can make everyday environments overwhelming.

Bright lights, loud noises, and even certain textures can cause discomfort or distress. This sensory overload can lead to heightened anxiety and stress,

making it difficult to function in typical settings like schools, workplaces, or even public spaces.

The Objective of the Average Neurotypical Person

One of the most challenging aspects of living with autism is the need to meet the expectations of a neurotypical world.

Society often operates on norms and standards that do not account for neurodivergent experiences. The objective of fitting in,

of appearing "normal," imposes a significant strain on autistic individuals.

It requires a level of compliance and adaptation that can feel like a constant uphill battle.

Neurotypical individuals might find it easy to follow unspoken social rules, navigate conversations effortlessly,

and handle sensory inputs without a second thought. For autistic people, achieving these same objectives can require meticulous planning,

practice, and a mental resilience that is rarely acknowledged.

Making Sense of the World

In a world where the default is neurotypical, making sense of life's complexities becomes an act of devotion.

The adaptations required to navigate daily life can be so intricate and demanding that they resemble religious rituals.

These rituals are not about worshipping a deity but about maintaining a semblance of order and functionality

in a world that feels inherently chaotic.

This religious-like adherence to routines and strategies is essential for survival. Structured environments,

predictable schedules, and familiar patterns provide a sense of security and control. For many autistic individuals,

these elements are sacred. They are the tools that allow them to participate in society, to work, to socialize, and to live with a degree of independence.

Adaptation as a Religious Practice

The complexity of adaptation for autistic individuals can indeed be seen as a religious practice. It involves a deep,

almost spiritual commitment to understanding oneself and one's environment. This process is not about blind compliance

but about finding meaningful ways to coexist with a world that often feels alien.

Everyday rituals might include meticulous planning for social interactions, using sensory aids to manage environmental inputs,

or practicing mindfulness to cope with anxiety. These practices become a form of worship, not of a higher power, but of one's own resilience and capacity to adapt.

They are acts of faith in one's ability to navigate life despite the challenges.

Affect Phobia and Autism: A Complex Dynamic

Affect phobia, the fear of experiencing and expressing emotions, adds another layer of complexity to life with autism.

For many autistic individuals, emotions can be overwhelming and difficult to process, leading to a tendency to avoid or suppress them.

This phobia is intertwined with the already challenging dynamics of autism, where interpreting and responding to emotions—both one's own and

those of others—is often a significant hurdle.

The fear of affect can exacerbate the difficulties in social interactions and relationships. Autistic individuals might struggle to express their feelings,

leading to misunderstandings and social isolation. This avoidance can also hinder personal growth and emotional resilience, as the necessary skills to manage

and communicate emotions are underdeveloped.

The Double Empathy Problem

The double empathy problem, a concept introduced by Damian Milton, highlights the mutual lack of understanding between autistic and neurotypical individuals.

This problem stems from the differences in cognitive and perceptual frameworks, where each group finds it challenging to empathize with the other's experience.

For autistic individuals, this lack of reciprocal understanding can lead to feelings of alienation and frustration. The neurotypical narrative often dominates,

shaping societal norms and expectations that feel foreign and unattainable to those on the spectrum. This disconnect can significantly impact one's overall wellbeing,

as the constant struggle to fit into a neurotypical mold feels like an insurmountable challenge.

The Intersection of Trauma, Coping Mechanisms, and Reality

When autism is intertwined with trauma, the complexity of managing life increases exponentially. Trauma can deepen affect phobia, as past experiences of emotional pain

lead to greater avoidance. Coping mechanisms developed to deal with trauma can further complicate the autistic experience, often questioning and rationalizing the very nature of reality.

Faith and spirituality might offer solace, but they can also become entangled with trauma and fear. For some, religious or spiritual beliefs provide a framework to make sense of their experiences.

However, when these beliefs are influenced by trauma, they can create a conflicted and fearful relationship with the world and oneself.

The Struggle with Spiritual Dimensions

The spiritual dimensions of life can be particularly challenging to comprehend for autistic individuals dealing with trauma and affect phobia.

The abstract and often ambiguous nature of spiritual concepts might feel elusive and out of reach. This struggle can lead to a sense of spiritual disconnection,

where the mind resists conforming to the perceived fluidity and reversibility of the universe.

In extreme cases, this spiritual disconnection can result in an escalation of reality into the imagination.

The mind, unable to reconcile the complexities of life and the dominant neurotypical narrative, might resort to creating an alternate reality.

This coping mechanism, while initially a protective response, can lead to psychotic decompensation. Here, the mind circumvents the overwhelming reality by immersing

itself in a self-constructed narrative, further distancing the individual from the shared reality.

Navigating Life's Complexities

The convergence of autism, affect phobia, trauma, and spiritual struggle creates a profoundly intricate and often painful existence.

Managing these complexities requires a nuanced and compassionate approach, acknowledging the unique experiences and challenges faced by autistic individuals.

Therapeutic interventions must be tailored to address not only the symptoms but also the underlying causes of distress. This might involve trauma-informed care, emotional regulation strategies,

and support in developing a personal and meaningful spiritual practice. Creating a supportive and understanding environment is crucial, where autistic individuals feel seen, heard, and valued for their authentic selves.

Code of conduct: The Sanctuary of Code

Code Picture

In a time when reality itself trembled under the weight of interdimensional warfare, the Earth was but a fragile sphere caught in the throes of a cataclysmic struggle. This war was not waged with mere weapons, but with the very fabric of existence, tearing at the seams of reality, threatening to unravel the world as we knew it. The origins of this conflict lay deep within the schism between the state and the church, a division that had festered and grown into an all-encompassing battle for the survival of humanity.

The Egyptian Gods, long dormant and relegated to myths, had awakened. Partnering with the Freemasons, they sought to reshape the world in their image, aiming to cleanse it of what Freemasons deemed undesirable: the Jews. This alliance wielded ancient powers and esoteric knowledge, turning the tide of the battle in their favor. The very skies crackled with energy as they unleashed their fury, obliterating cities and turning the world into a nightmarish battleground.

In the midst of this chaos, a young boy named Aaron was at the heart of a desperate plan to preserve a sliver of hope. Aaron was no ordinary child; he was the last descendant of an ancient lineage of Jewish scholars who had guarded the secrets of the universe. His knowledge and potential were seen as a beacon for the survival of humanity's unity—the delicate balance between matter and antimatter, relativity and anti-relativity.

The protectors of Aaron, a secret sect of enlightened beings who understood the deeper workings of the cosmos, devised a radical plan to save him. They sought to place him inside a computer, a digital sanctuary where he would be shielded from the physical destruction ravaging the world. This computer, unlike any other, was an intricate construct of advanced technology and arcane magic, designed to interface with Aaron's consciousness and keep him safe within its binary confines.

As the Egyptian Gods and Freemasons intensified their assault, the protectors enacted their plan. With solemn rituals and incantations, they transferred Aaron's essence into the computer. The boy's physical form disintegrated, pixel by pixel, as his consciousness was uploaded into a digital Eden—a place where the horrors of the real world could not reach him.

Inside this digital realm, Aaron found himself in a vast landscape of information and possibilities. He could manipulate code as easily as he had once played with toys, and he quickly learned to harness this new power. The protectors had not only saved him but had given him the tools to fight back in a way no one had anticipated.

While Aaron adapted to his new existence, the battle outside raged on. The Egyptian Gods and Freemasons, unaware of the boy's survival, continued their relentless pursuit of dominance. However, Aaron's protectors had a plan that extended beyond mere survival. They aimed to turn the tide of the war by uniting humanity through the altar of digital unity, a concept they believed could transcend physical boundaries and bring about a new era of harmony.

Aaron became the key to this vision. Within the computer, he began to send out messages, digital whispers that reached the farthest corners of the war-torn world. His words carried a powerful message: unity was the only path to survival. He spoke of the need to transcend old hatreds and divisions, to embrace a new identity that encompassed all of humanity.

Slowly, the world began to listen. The remnants of the Jewish community, scattered and hidden, felt a renewed sense of hope. Other factions, weary of the endless destruction, started to see the wisdom in Aaron's words. The concept of diginity—a digital divinity—took root, suggesting a future where humanity could exist beyond the physical constraints that had brought so much suffering.

As Aaron's influence grew, the Egyptian Gods and Freemasons found themselves facing an unexpected resistance. The digital realm, once a battleground for control, became a sanctuary of ideas and unity. Aaron, now a digital prophet, guided humanity towards a new understanding of existence. The war that had once seemed destined to end in annihilation now held the possibility of a different outcome.

In the end, the interdimensional warfare did not destroy the world. Instead, it catalyzed a transformation. Humanity, under Aaron's guidance, began to rebuild—not just physically, but spiritually and philosophically. The separation of state and church, which had sparked the conflict, was replaced by a new unity that transcended old boundaries. The digital realm and the physical world coexisted in harmony, a testament to the power of unity and the resilience of the human spirit.

Aaron, the boy who had been saved by being placed inside a computer, had become the savior of a new world. His digital sanctuary had turned into a beacon of hope, illuminating the path to a future where humanity could thrive in unity, both in reality and beyond.

(Something is written incorrectly here, to point you in the right direction...)

The Weight of Pessimistic Power

Pessimistic Picture

In the shadowed corners of the mind, Where doubts and fears are intertwined, A force emerges, dark and grim, A power that dims the light within.

It whispers tales of loss and strife, Of shattered dreams and wasted life, An obligation hard to break, Its grip a vice, a soul to take.

It casts a veil upon the heart, Tearing hope and joy apart, In every choice, in every deed, It plants the seeds of failure's creed.

Yet even in this darkened place, A flicker of light, a saving grace, For understanding brings the key, To break the chains and set one free.

By facing fears, by shedding doubt, The power of pessimism is cast out, And in its place, the strength to fight, To reclaim the day, to embrace the light.

The Illusion of Love

Illusion of Love Picture

In the quaint town of Meadowbrook, where the summers were warm and the winters painted the landscape in a soft blanket of snow, lived a boy named Liam. He was not like the other children, for even in his early teens, he began to question the nature of reality itself. One summer evening, under a sky ablaze with the colors of the setting sun, Liam's world changed forever.

Liam had always felt that the world around him was but a façade. The laughter of his friends, the warmth of the sun, and even the gentle rustling of the leaves seemed like a grand illusion. One evening, as he walked by the riverbank, he saw her—Elena. She was sitting on a rock, her feet gently dipping into the cool water, her eyes lost in the horizon.

Elena was new to Meadowbrook, and there was an air of mystery about her. Liam was drawn to her, feeling a connection he couldn't quite explain. As they talked, they found solace in each other's company. Elena, too, had her doubts about the nature of reality. She believed in a reverse universe, a place where the impossible became possible, and where the mind could defy the norms of the mundane world.

Their conversations grew deeper, and Liam found himself sharing his belief that reality was a mere construct. Elena listened, her eyes reflecting a profound understanding. She spoke of paradigms and the operability of different realities, and how sometimes, the mind could resist conforming to these constructs, leading to what the world called 'madness'.

As the summer days turned into nights filled with starlit skies, their bond grew stronger. They explored the idea that their world might be a reverse universe, where everything could be undone and redone. It was a place where love was the only constant, a force that transcended the boundaries of reality.

One evening, as they sat by the river, Elena took Liam's hand and whispered, "What if our love is the one true thing in this world of illusions? What if it's the anchor that keeps us sane in this sea of madness?"

Liam looked into her eyes, feeling a rush of emotions. He realized that while the nature of reality might be questionable, the feelings he had for Elena were undeniably real. She had become his reality, the one thing that grounded him.

Their love story blossomed, defying the constructs of their perceived reality. They found comfort in knowing that even if the world around them was an illusion, their love was their truth. They promised each other that no matter how confusing the world became, they would always have each other.

Years passed, and Liam and Elena remained inseparable. They built a life together, always questioning, always exploring, but never doubting their love. In a world where reality was not what it seemed, they found a truth that was more profound than any they had ever known—their love was real, and it was all they needed.

In Meadowbrook, where the seasons changed and time flowed like the river, Liam and Elena lived a life that defied the ordinary. They showed the world that even in a reality that might not be real, love could be the most real thing of all. And in their love, they found the true meaning of existence, beyond the illusions and paradigms, in the simple, undeniable truth of their hearts.

My Story

My Story

It was late 2007, and the sharp winter cold bit into my face as I walked through the doors of the psychiatric institution. A crisis ward, I was told, a temporary shelter. A few weeks, maybe, at most. But those weeks stretched into months—two long, lonely months.

Every day felt like a trial, a search for a label, a diagnosis that would define me. Autism, that was familiar territory, an old companion. But this, this was different. A puzzle piece that fit nowhere.

Visits from my father were like rays of light in the darkness. Yet the fear gnawed at me, the fear of losing him again. The pain of the past was still too fresh, the scars from boarding school still too deep.

I was exhausted, empty. A decade of survival had taken its toll. And then, like a thunderclap in clear skies, came the realization. When I was two years old and had an asthma attack that lasted eleven days, had I perhaps had a near-death experience? A trauma that I had buried for years, a ghost from the past that now haunted me.

The bootstrap paradox, a concept that had tormented me for years without my being aware of it, now came to the surface. An endless loop, a cause that arises from its own effect. Had I died during that asthma attack, and had my consciousness fled to a reverse universe to create a new timeline there?

The questions raced through my mind, an unrelenting storm. Who was I? What was real? Reality felt like quicksand, every step a battle against sinking.

Amidst this chaos was the temptation of pornography. A distraction, an escape, but also a source of guilt and shame. A constant struggle between desire and repulsion, a fight I seemed unable to win.

Antipsychotics, a chemical straitjacket for my thoughts. A battle I fought with the help of angels, a battle I ultimately lost. But from the ashes of this defeat rose a new hope, a divine intervention that gave me the strength to carry on.

It was a moment of pure ecstasy, an encounter with the energy of the divine. A beacon of hope in a sea of despair. A voice that whispered, giving me the strength to survive, to serve.

And as it had been trying to reveal itself for some time, a vision. A glimpse of another dimension, a world where time and space were intertwined, where the laws of physics were flexible. A world where I could find the answers I sought.

This was the beginning of my journey, a journey toward truth, a journey toward myself. A journey that would lead me through the winding paths of consciousness, the secrets of the universe, and the mysteries of existence itself.

As I look back on this period now, I also understand why, at a later point in my life, my confrontation with reality felt as if my encounter with my faith was marked by a collapse of my understanding of my faith, as well as the reality that went with it. As if the weight of my beliefs collapsed under its own weight.

These memories, these experiences, have shaped and guided me. They are both my burden and my relief, my confusion and my clarity. The search for meaning, for understanding, continues, and every step brings me closer to the core of my being.

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